Joy.

My joy in life seems to be depended on earthly values (most of the time) rather than focused on God. I need to get back with God. It feels like the fire inside of me is slowly flaming. Its almost bURNT OUT. School definitely keeps my mind more focused on NON nonsense.. well sometimes. lol. I feel like I'm getting lazy everyday. I am slowly turning away from reading the Bible. I don't pray as much as I should. I hope to find someone who is ON FIRE for God as my future husband. :) I hope that he will always bring me closer into wanting to be in God's presence. That would be sweet. Christmas presents have spoiled me..Especially the Money.
Today, my BFF was telling me she'd rather recieve a hug or kiss and a card rather than money. She said with money, its more difficult to humble herself before the Lord. She wants to remember His blessings that He gave her. But, its quite difficult to do that if you have a lot of money. And that reminds me of in the Bible, it says, "Matt 23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven." So its better to be poor, so you can remember God's blessings and keep in mind who the Lord is. Who was the one that provides me food and clothing to wear..

Gentlemen?

So, boys. Especially the boys at my C.
Most of these boys, I've grown up with since I was an iddy biddy kid.
I barely even talk/speak/ and any form of communication or physical contact with them. But, there's this kid who is new to my C..
he actually talks to me.
And wants to get to know me.
I should feel happy because there's someone who is a boy, that wants to get to know me and appreciates my presence.
He is truly a gentleman.
The other boys whom I've known all my life..
the vibe I recieve is:
I don't care about anything (well not all the time)
or I'm too shy to talk to you.
or I don't want to talk to you because I'm afriad of what people will think.
This dude doesn't do that.
He just goes for the goal=something I like. :)

Gifts

Today, I opened up my Promise Bible. & found a saying:
"Don't give something you want for yourself. Don't give because you HAVE to. Give because you truly want to give."
It wasn't exactly like that.But along those lines.
It made me really think about who I need to HAVE TO give presents to..but not really. Its all from the heart. The gifts that I want to give, I want it to be because I want to see the other person happy. Not that I feel pressured to. And I've decided if I want to keep their gift, I'm going to keep it. Unless there is two. Then I might just have to buy both. I'm going to actually think about it before buying. Because I don't want to live life with regrets. I don't want to cause pain to anyone or myself. I just hope to live in peace and be an encouraging person. I just want to buy or give something helpful..perhaps something that will alleviate someone else's pain. I think that is always the best thing.
You know that just made me think..
since I enjoy alleviating other's pain and want to make their lives easier, I'm going to go into something that includes helpign others. The choices that come to mind are:
-doctor. requires a heck load of schooling..
-nurse. " "
-music therapy.
-counselor? eh i don't know about that..
-ministry...
-realtor
-2 b continued

EGO

EGO=Edging God Out.
Definition of EGO: Selfish; don't think of others.
This is hard to avoid.. sometimes.
When I do something good and someone praises me, I usually just accept it. But, I need to learn to acknowledge it was God or it was __fill in the blank__. I have to learn that I can't take all the credit. I usually do acknowledge people for whatever they contributed. But, then in my mind, there are those times where I think highly of myself. Many times I feel like I'm in my own little world. I pretend that there is nothign wrong in my world. That there aren't poor people. Or that they will get their needs met somehow. The war going on, I am practically oblivious of everything going on around me. I don't know what happens on the news..whether fires are burnign, or kids getting shot. Because I don't watch the news. Even when yahoo/msn messenger presents me with a strip of the news, I don't click it. I just concentrate on hw, piano, eating, and filling my happiness. It seems as if I dont' care about anything. Okay so maybe I don't. Its not that I don't want to, I rarely take the time to think about it..then go into action in changing it. The thoughts that might run thruogh my head are I can't do anything. I'm weak. I won't be able to change the world even if I tried..
But the truth is I can. The only reason why I can't is because I think I can't. I know that I can make a difference. To serve others. I joined clubs that serve. Like Key Club, The one time I felt accomplished, was at the Toy Distribution. I helped families (poor) pick out presents for their kids. It was tedious but I definitely felt good afterwards. I hope this year we do something like that again. (: Or maybe serve food. I dont' know but I know that Service is a good thing. God made us to serve others, not only ourselves. To give up the selfish of yourself is the only way to create treasure in Heaven. Its always better to store up treasure in Heaven than on Earth where rust, and moths can ruin them and thieves can steal them. I want to serve others.
This leads me to think about the season of giving. I am so excited about giving those presents to everyone. I hope to go Christmas shopping and get everyone at least a little something. :) I love seeing people's faces light up when they open their gift. I am so happy I finally understand the true meaning of giving. WHen I was younger, I always thought recieving presents was the best thing. Because you are surprised and you don't have to spend moeny to get it. its FREE.!! but now I realize that its not all about money. You can't take money with you when you die. Why not bless someone else and show them God's love for everyone? Its amazing to feel his love. I want to spread it..but I have not been baptized through the Holy Spirit.. This is a goal I have had since kids camp. I felt like I was going to on Wednesday..but I didn't let myself. I know that if I had let myself just pray outloud and stop being self concious of myself it would have.
The only gift I want this year is to be baptized in the HOly Spirit. And I pray that everyone else wants this too. I can't imagine how much my life would be different. This year has been a great year and all but I know there is something out there bigger.. I am ready for it I think. :)
Thank you Lord Jesus for your Love. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for the temptations that bring me closer to you. Thank you for understanding me and being by my side. Thank you for not ditching me for another. Thank you for entering my heart. Thank you for the beautiful YOU! =D

HOPE Church

I've ALWAYS wanted to go to a Wednesday Night Church service somewhere other than our church.
Hopeful. Happy.
Open-minded
People. Public.
Energetic.
Church is PERFECT for ME!
It has AMAZING & UPLIFITING MUSIC! I love how you can worship and not feel judged. I love how people are so INTO the lyrics. There's some dancing. A majority lift their hands up high. And, you just feel welcomed! I love the way the Pastor relates to me. And he knows what he is talking about. He is funny at times even though he doesn't mean to. I love it! :D
I'm really thankful that Darla and Phil invited me to go. :) So there was a purpose for that one bad day at their house..
I HOPE to go every single Wednesday Night that HOPE has service!
I want to learn a lot from them and be able to apply HIS WORD to my LiFE.
I'd really like to share what they do at their church to our church.
That'd be sweeT ACTiON! FO'SHO! >:D
The main message I learned yesterday is:
It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, you will be used by God.
Even if you are the weakest person and have no experienced.
Because JUSt as Jesus was able to tame the unridden little donkey,
He will be able to tame and ride on us. So that He will be in control. LiKE he SHOULD be already. =D
This related to my ENglish class because we were reading something about tradition. There was a group of English villages which kept the tradition of stoning people (sacrificing them which will lead to good harvest). After I read it, I'm like wtf? But, they like to keep tradition..and the Pastor at HOPE was saying, We need to be set Loose, not hold onto Mama. Don't keep tradition of being tied on. And I was like..wow. I get it.
And it also relates to Spanish. I had to show and tell EN ESPANOL in front of my classmates about a sport. The sport I chose was Salsa club. Lol. I was kinda nervous about it and prepared the best I could before Service. ANd the Pastor, told his own personal experience which was that when he was in high school/colllege, he could not even peep a word out..basically scared to talk. (like me) I was in awe of how God used his weakness and made him STRONG today. It gave me a lot more faith to here about his Experience. I felt really happy last night because I could see FINALLY. My eyes were suddenly OPENED to who and what God is all about. It makes me want to LOVE him even more. For not choosing naturally brilliant people, instead the weakest to rise and be STRONG to GlORIFY HIM! <3 & on top of that, it was MOUSEY'S birthday! I'm really glad we got to chill! It felt like our first time chilling in a Church. haaha. But, yes indeed It was Chill yesterday! :D

Important Fam/Friends

Normally,I don't like to talk about people..but I feel like I have to..because there is no one else to talk to. ANd some of you, I've told. Others, I don't know how to..

Ab: I feel like we are kinda spreading apart. Not cool.. I Pray for your bf's dad. I pray that you will turn to God to get out of the darkness and into the light.
Al+CD: You guys looked so adorable when you were napping. Lol. I seriously wanted to just rub your head. haha. xD But, then again you always look like a cute baby even if you aren't sleeping.
Duc: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!! i CAN'T express my happiness for you! Its sooo freaking awesome! I am really excited and it makes me smile that you are finally prego! (: I pray that God will surround you with a safety bubble.
Dar: I was afraid you were mad at me for skipping church that one time. But, you always forgive and I love you for that. Your tummy is getting bigger every time I see you I swear! I pray that you are also surrounded w/ a safety bubble!
Jim: I'm glad we are getting to know each other better. I can't believe I'm 4 years older than you..ohkay maybe I can. xD Thanks for being my friend/ younger brother.
Jelly: I will try to be a better friend to you. (: I hope you forgive me for my wrongs. The awkwardness at church should go away soon..I pray. Thanks for the encouragement!
Hai: I feel bad for leaving you. I should've stayed. But, I know you had fun. That's all that matters:)
Han: I'm enjoying the haircut a lot more than I thought. That's usually how MY hair cuts turn out. Anytime I get a haircut, I ABSOLUTELY HATE it on the first day (exception: Paul Mitchell) But afterwards, Its like Omgosh, I LOVE it! It feels SO soft and clean now. & short of course. :) I think I'm starting to like short hair more. Prob. because I've had long hair for a long time. I've started using the straightener just because I know it will look like crap if I don't. (funny how I use a straightener for short hair..but when I had long hair, I was like who cares?)
He: We gotta run sometime. SOON! Its been too long!
Ho: I'm really thankful we got to hang out. Its good that we weren't stomping our feet and yelling like that one trip... (well ya can't stomp if you tripped ha.)
ME: I'm still thinking of what to talk about on Sundays. Its too hard. I like it when Phi makes up the lesson. I usually can relate. :)
Y: Thanks so much bud for helping me set up the tree. It was fun. I don't feel like I can fully be myself around you yet. But at least its not totally awkward. ;) I hope that I'm not annoying you too much.
....................................................................................
Today I could've tried out for MADE (mtv) but I was too chicken. Oh wells..my goal wasn't really a good one anyways. Instead I went to salsa club, and it was actually pretty fun. Funner than Its been in a long time! I wish the room didn't stink though. It literally smells like a bunch of feet and other grossness. =/
....................................................................................
I still need to think about Christmas gifts for people. Its soo hard. Kinda. When I do think of the PERFECT gift I'ma be soo happy! :) I love getting gifts and giving them to people! :)

Christmas List

Its the night after Thanksgiving. I am awaiting Black Friday. Hopefully, it will be fun and I can find some people some CHRISTMAS presents! I can't believe its Christmas already..Its like where did all the time GO? It was just SUMMER YESTERDAY! You know? I decided to make a list of stuff to buy for myself since there's nothing else to do..
-Hats
-Nail Polish
-Car Scents
-Jeggings
-Boots
-Converse
-Christian CDs
-Fun looking socks
-Scarves
-Purses
-Fish
-Books (Christian)
-Cardigans
-Amplified Bible
-Necklaces
-High Waist Skirts
-Overalls
and..that's all for tonight!
Thanksgiving + random:
I'm really satisfied with my Thanksgiving dinner. (didn't eat too much or too little and it was yummy!!=)
I feel very blessed with all that I have. I couldn't ask for more.
I am sleepy-ish (yawn) and am enjoying my french braided hair that mousey did for me.
I am not ready to do schoolwork..but I know I really should.
I think I'm going to start on that tomorrow.
Jelly isn't going to the church event tomorrow..I kinda wished he would go for just that, and not the Sunday one. But, whatevers. It will be an interesting Sunday for sure! haha. I am comfy. And need to put away this laptop. But what did Phillip say to do with it? i dunno. I wonder what those boys thought of me and cousin that one night. Lol. It was quite boring/interesting.. Luckily cousin was good at entertaining us. Or it woulda been a disaster. Haha. xD I'm so grateful that we have a little break. But, I really need to take the time out and get organized with my school stuff. I wonder what my hair will turn like later today. Its going to be very busy at Black Friday..There wERE SO MANY cars at TOYS R US! Lol, I pray that no one gets hurt. I pray that we will have a good time. I am getting tired now. So, goodnight. :)

Poem.

My life seems so perfect on the outside..
when I'm just a little girl cryin' on the inside
I tell myself I can do anything
but really? am I insane?
My friends are like a coupon
I use them and they are gone
This isn't how I want my relationships to be
I really would like to have a real guy just for me
I don't even know how I can accomplish that
knowing that I am as lame as a mat
I can't cook any stew
Its like so sad that I eat poo (jk)
I really need a job for pay
Because depending on parents are so lame these days

Friends.

Surrounding yourself with the people...you want yourself to be.
Its SO Important. THat just hit me tonight when Phil was talking to us.
i love when he talks. He's just a beast at that stuff. I'm so thankful for him and Darla. And Liana and Matthew. + the SCC. They are truly amazing.
I did have a little negative thought -our youth group is starting to break apart- yesterday..when no one showed up to that thing. But tonight helped me to think..our youth group is just starting out small. Its nice that its small. we get to know each other better. Somewhat. Except the age difference. Yeah anyways..if I just stop hanging with the people who I don't want to be. Like homosexual, druggies, and etc. I can perhaps be closer to God and walk with him. I don't want to get away from God. I want to be loving towards everyone even those who are mean to me. I hope that I can stop feeling like I'm a loner. Sometimes it gets to me. that I don't have a bf. I get mad at myself when I don't talk to guys who I consider nice cool guy friends. But when I'm around them, I can't even peep a word. Its SO frustrating that my ability to make friends is practically not possible. UGH. I agree that I need to talk more as my cousin says but then again thats just not my personality and my friend says I shouldn't change my personality. I should be myself. Because I'm Lisa. And plus guys say that you should be yourself. I'm just trying to find meeee! SOme days I wish I could just have a guy who would be there for me through everything. BUt then again, I don't really have time to feed that guy the love. Since my life is full of hw, music, and __fill in the blank_. I need to set my priorites straight. I need God to handle the stress/anger. Lastly, I need to sleep. Well thanks for listening to me blab. lol. THat's all for tonight. Might have to 'cheat' the system later..~ ;)

ADVICE para mi.

IB has suddenly hit ME.
It was like a WAVE that crashed over my head.
I'm barely breathing..
My heart pounds like 1000 miles per hour. (not possible, but you get the idea)
I need to relax.
Close my eyes. &
Take deep breathes of the available air.
Lisa, you must remember that mom and dad aren't working their butts off for nothin'.
They aren't just working for their own benefits.
They work for their children. which includes you.
So they can meet your basic needs each day.
And you must use your time wisely so you can benefit yourself and them in the end.
IB may be very hard and stressing. But keep in mind Lisa, its only TWO years.
2 years of studying vigorously,
testing,
reading difficult passages,
writing/analyzing poems and books,
trying to understand concepts,
speaking as if I were the best public speaker,
performing (piano LIVE),
playing (tennis),
dancing (salsa),
meeting the deadlines,
and walking the halls of Central.
Okay, so maybe this is practically a pre-college program.
You can handle it.
Even if you might be stressed out and not be getting enough sleep.
But, you aren't going to die if you try to do your best.
You aren't going to suffer as much as your mommy&daddy.
They work everyday to provide for your needs.
Even when they don't want to. or feel like..or sick. ='/
How can I be lazy and just lay around the house..?
How can I let them work for me so FREAKING hard..
when all I do is just stay at home.
Eat the breakfast.
Go to school.
COme home.
Lay around like a couch potato,
and get on facebook.
No Lisa, You aren't doing that.
THAT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE.!
Okay..
I need to focus.
And do all I can.
To Not give up.
Not give up on this opportunity..
I don't know if I can make it or not.
But, as long as I at least try.
Give it my best.
I know that
If i do fail,
I will fail beneficially.
I will be able to learn alot.
I need to use my head.
THINK.
And
LEARN.
You can do this!
Just believe in yourself.
& God. :)
P.S. The song that I'm listening to is so uplifting.
Some of the lyrics:
"when i call on Jesus, all things are possible~"
This isn't just irony. I believe...
This is a message from God. :)
He's telling me I can do anything through him. AMEN!

Exciting EVents; EE & HC

So..Friday was my deadline for the topic of my EE (extended essay)
And I really wanted to get out of the Vietnam War because I learnt it was mainly a political war. I mean, I don't think I can stick with that topic for TWO whole years!
So over the weekend, I was pondering and pondering and PONDERING..*drums fingers&
I originally hoped that God would give me the answer at fellowship. And believe it or not, on Sunday, I went there to find everyone watching a movie. In my head, I was thinking..I thought that we'd have a discussion. Kinda dissapointed but mainly glad to see everyone (esp. M) He's so freaking cool! He explained alot of what was the movie about and stuff and then Suddenly, a LIGHT BULB just popped up into my head! Why don't I write about the Japan and the CHina war? I've ALWAYS wanted to look into that too! So, Yeah..that's my topic! I just got to find some SOURCES somewhere..kinda difficult. Because not alot of people know about wingchun (kungfu.) I might have to tweek my question. Anywhos thats one of the exciting things that i have going on. :) & I really thank God for leading me to going to fellowship and finding a topic that I am really EXCITED about.!
The other exciting event is...SALSA CLUB. We're performing the day before HC at the HC assembly. I hope that me and J do well. :) I don't know if i want to go to Homecoming. If mom needs help, I might just not go..cuz it would be a waste of time right? I do need that extra time in hw and etc. But I would like to go out somewhere with my friends just to hang..Yeah, thats about all that I have going on..
OH WAIT. We also have a corn maze and just a hang out with the youth ppls. Hanging out with the Browns and the Youth makes me feel loved. lol. XD But its true. They are like the BEST fam ever! Yeup yeup. I think I'm done for sure now. :)!

To: UKW

Sometimes you have to learn to let go
and move on, chin up, look ahead.
Life is like riding a bicycle.
You need to move forward or else
you won't get anywhere.
When teaching a child how to ride a two wheel bike for the first time,
you tell them keep pedaling keep pedaling. GO GO GO.
Because you know that if they don't pedal,
they will fall down and get hurt.
The most important lesson I learned because of this friend is:
Always treasure the people you love most.
Because you never know, the next day they may be gone..
& if you do fall down,
get back up.
Life moves on and so can you.
With God, anything is possible.
Dream big dreams and live life to the fullest
cuz you only got one chance this life time.
Don't dwell on the past,
instead, cherish each moment
like its the last.
(the last part sounds like a quote from somewhere..)
But, i was just trying to rhyme ahha.
Yeah..anyways I feel like through him, I've learned alot.
This may sound kinda bad but isn't the 'wise' the ones who learn from other ppls mistakes?

He/She + Worry =/

I'm worried about her. I'm worried about him. I'm worried about school. I'm worried about piano. I'm worried about..EVERYTHING. OMGAHH!!! ALRIGHT, STRESS SUCKS.
Questions that run through my mind on a daily basis..
-why can't he just let go..there's no point of sticking around. You're only hurting yourself.
-why can't they either be gf/bf or just not friends at all?
-when will he realize, he needs God more than her.
-why isn't he/she texting back?
-what does he/she think of me?
-why can't she be nice for once? To her friends? I mean she's nice to people who aren't close friends with her..

So many random questions..that will soon be answered, I hope.
He needs someone..to talk to.
I'm here.
He doesn't reply.
What can I do?
She talks to me..
like I'm not human.
Am I supposed to ignore her? Yes, I'm human & quite hurt infact. But I'll still be your friend and forgive you. Just lighten up the hectic person you are okay?
But seriously, there is No point of talking to me if you're going to continue acting the way you do. STOP. just STOP.
Oh, God. I pray for him, he needs you the most. She too. THey both are in their darkest moments. They both don't have the light of you and are drowning in the darkness of this crazy and mad world. God, I want to help them...but how? Lord, they are in pain..for losing their partner. Well, not really losing. But, not having that best friend relationship. One's guilty of which is understandable, that leads to depression 24/7. The other isn't guilty. But, their ex is. What do we do when we're in guilt God? How do we show people that you, God are the only one who can unconditionally love them and forgive their sins. That they can start over..even without their ex-bestfriend/gf because you are the JOY in life. I feel helpless because I can't do anything to help them. But, you God can do miracles...even though they're losing their faith in you each day.. There must be some way to waken them from their deep sleep.

I know that you God have been through much for me. You were crucified for me and everyone. And I ask that you will help me remember that for life. Even though I'm not going through that much of a rough time, I want to always remember that so when I am, I can depend on you. Now, I know they may be going through a rough time and their only solution is to face you. Like the movie said, "Eyeball to Eyeball with God.." If only he/she would realize, that without you is like breathing without Oxygen.

Salsa Club!!!

I recently joined a club..:) guess what it is???
SALSA CLUBBB!!! :D
its really funnn! Well, the first day, I danced with a girl. I think her name was Katie. And she was a Kiltie so she wasn't allowed to dance with any boys.. But, after half an hour, she left for the First Football GAME of the season. AFterwards, I just sat and watched everyone dance with their partner.. then sudddenly, out of nowhere, a prince comes and takes me by the hand to dance. I'm like woah. Well, not quite eggsactly. haha, he just an experienced salsa dancer. It was my second time dancing with a male. haha. I had fun. even though he spun me around like SEVERAL not few but SEVERAL TIMES.! xD and today, was my 2nd day of practice.. it was interesting. ;) he's trying to guess where my parents are from which is kinda funny. and yeah..thats basically all I had to say.

I've always wanted to learn salsa esp. with a guy. Lol. because its def not the same with a girl. I learned salsa at Jarrett. Just a little of it..and it was really awkward because I was a loner back then so I didn't have anyone to dance with. Plus no confidence, hence the loner part. Anywhos, I'm glad that God led me to this dude.

Oh, its just nothing (:

I'm sitting in her room, writing this blog to her. She just got out of the shower lookin' fine.~ hehe. xD No, i'm not a creeper! (: But yeah, back to the point of this blog. So, I really admire this girl. She's smart, and beautiful. She stands up to her beliefs. Like, she wouldn't be pressured to take a cig from someone even if they offered. She can read my mind like no one else can. (cept, perhaps, God) haha. She knows my clothing style better than me. lol. Just yesterday, she was telling me about all these cute clothes that screamed my name to her. hah, what a talent right? She knows how to talk to guys and make friends easily. Laugh at jokes even if their jokes aren't that great. She can be herself in most situations. SHE HAS NOTHING TO HIDE. She's confident. Or at least appears to be. xD But yeah..I know that she can overcome anything that comes her way..I believe she can. I just hope and pray she can overcome her troubles. And make peace with God. :) I'm sure God will listen to her, if she just puts her mind and heart and soul to it. God, thank you so much for this girlie. Even though she may have alot of troubles in her home, I ask you to just put a hand on her and walk with her through her life. AMEN. :D

Pride.

P Proud
r ude.
i think of myself only?
d dumb. (fool)
e Evil.

Lately..I have been too 'proud'. My mind is evil sometimes.. it wanders and creates false ideas. Or judges too quickly. Or thinks dirty. I need to stop. And pray more.. Being prideful how? Well, once I rearended a car because that morning I was feeling a lil too cool in my lil sleeka. How crazy is that right? Yeah, it happens. Like, I think I look cool or the HOTTEST but actually I have flaws. LOTS and LOTS of flaws. The more prideful you are...it will get back to you and EAT YOU UP. NOt cool. OH, GOd, help me Humble myself before you. NOthing is as great as you Lord. I need your daily guidance. Why is it that I think I'm the best at stuff? When there's always someone better? WHy is it that I think I"m the one everyone likes to be around sometimes but really isn't? And then there are the other times that I feel like I have no friends. BUt I actually do..compared to some other people. SIgh* I really am lost. I want to be confident in everything I do. But when I do reach that 'stage', I end up being too cocky. WTH?! God, how should I live? Lead me...please.

People.

Emotion: Annoyed.
WHY? People need to forgive and forget.
They shouldn't act disrespectful to those who they think that are not as important. I think that everyone needs to treat each other the same. Not judge or be mean because of something they did. I also should take my own advice... After watching the video at PHildas, I was like wow. Amazed. And Stunned. I want to be that friend who can be there..I want to be that friend who is responsible and loving. all that good stuff. xD I also need friends who can be there for me. I need help God. To be who you want me to be. And treat others the right way..

Day 10

Confession:
I'm starting to like someone that I shouldn't. I think.. I can't tell. Its really annoying. It feels like just becuz she said those words -just don't fall for him- It made my heart skip a beat and ask myself, Have I fell for him? No.. can't have. We're just really good friends. Dats all.
I don't think I know what love is. It kinda evaporated from my soul when school started. My 'thing' for chyea is so over. I'm not sure what really attracted me to him. Its like the why did I date him thing? He's sucha jerk. (not really, but to me yes) I wonder if thats how he thinks of me..But anyways, today CD was pretty cute. xD Maybe I haven't gotten over him, maybe I just took a lil break..
I really don't want to think about LOVE. Its just too complicated. I'm better off of loving God. He doesn't just stop texting you or not be your friend.

Day 9

2 Smileys that describe my life right now:
:) Numero Uno. Tomorrow, I'm going to skip school for Drury to do yoga and I have a tennis match to play, plus I get to work with someone that I've never worked with!
:) Numero Dos. I got new SWEET glasses!!!
[I did this because I won't be home to type this tomorrow]

Day 8; Three Turn ONS.

1) Scent: A scent that smells sooo good that I don't want to step away from. Instead, just get closer and take a deep breath. AKA YUMMY. =D
2) Invades my personal space, just enough so I become a lil fidgetive & heart beats cuz I'm nervous. haha.
3) Physical Touch.AKA. Hands on my butt. Not really if I DON'T KNOW YOU WELL. haha, Just perhaps, a lil brush against arms/legs? or something. lolololxD
P.S. Looks fine (: & has good clothing style +Smiles! (:

Day 7

Four Turn Offs:
-Bad Hygiene. (Smells bad..doesn't take care of body; this includes smoking/drinking)
-Can't respect me or others. (if I say stop, he better stop)
-Flirts with every girl he meets even if he doesn't like them that way.
-Shows off too much. Too proud/arrogant.

Day 6!

Five People Who MEAN A LOT to me:
Friends(5:)
-Chris & Joyce
-Abby & Chris
-Allan & Luke
-Karina & Moly
-Ian & Hannah
FAM (5:)
-Mousey.!(:
-Mom/Dad/Brother
-JESUS!

Day 5 -6 things I wished I never done-

1. Kissed him. Bought him a hat. GIVEN him a chance.
2. Bought clothes..that I don't need.
3. Think dirty thoughts?
4. Pressed on the gas.
5. Become addicted to texting/facebook.
6. Went to Canada.
WOw, so much stuff has happened this year.. its like *speechless moment* *breathes out* God sure gave me alot of obstacles. And yes, I did MAKE A MISTAKE(S) & fall...but I've gotten back up. And I'm going to keep running towards you God. Help me finish this race fulfilling your purpose of creating me here on Earth. I need you. Because no one else can give me such amazing peace in this sinful world. No one else can give me love which lasts forever. Love that doesn't die in one day, week, or a couple of months. I can't do anything without you, if I did, there wouldn't be any meaning.
What I've learned from these things that I regret:
1. Don't give random people chances. Don't trust easily..
2. Think before buying clothes.
3. Ask God for help. Don't hang with people who think dirty thoughts?
4. Watch what your doing...
5. Not addicted anymore! =D I'm more addicted to blogging..lol
6. Plan ahead. Don't depend on people. Be responsible!
16 is so hard..so many responsibilities. Its almost overwhelming. But, I can do it...its duable with God by my side.

Day 4

7 things that cross my mind alot.
7. I'm dumb. -_- (when I do something stupid)
6. Am I bi? No...don't think so. I just think they're attractive?
5. Why can't I at least appear to be confident?
4. I need to do something productive. Stop being lazy!
3. God, help me. I can do all things with you.
2. I wish I could do play like that.
1. Why can't I make conversation with people?

Day Tres

8 ways to WIN my heart.!
Uno-Has a passion for GOD. Has a heart and relationship with God.
Dos-Laughs at my stupid/dumb jokes. xD
Tres-Is respecting, caring and loving towards me & other ppl, esp. family.
Cuatro-Is motivated and determined to achieve his goals.
Cinco-Is responsible for his own actions.
Seis-Understands and accepts me for who I am.
Siete-Can Dance & Sing beautifully~
Ocho-Has self-confidence and a radiant smile that brightens up the whole room. :) (can be a man when needed)

Day TWO.

9 things about myself..

Uno: I enjoy learning Spanish (as you can see)
Dos: I am a visual & kinethestic learner. I like to see things on the board and take action!
Tres: I replay alot of 'special' moments in my head.
Cuatro: I love playing piano and singing.
Cinco: I eat like a pig.
Seis: I pray to God when I'm feeling lonely and depressed or in pain.
Siete: I enjoy being alone sometimes. (I need my personal space)
Ocho: I'm a shopaholic..
Nueve: I read almost every label on a box. (Mostly on cereal boxes) xD

I STOLE Helen's Note. xD

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever) 

Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now. 

Day Ten: One confession.

Since Today is DAY ONE...Here's the listo!
1. Chris.
a) I Really enjoy playing tennis with you.
b) You're the best Coach anyone (but esp. me) could possibly have.
c) You're a really caring and understanding person.
d) You can be kinda mean though in a playful way.
e) You are one of the only guys who doesn't think I'm not cool enough/ too young to hang with.
f) You are super buff. haha xD But, healthy buff. (:
g) You are BEAST at everything you do-includes Tennis, Washing Cars, etc.
h) You always know how to cheer me up. Even when I'm having a bad day, you can put a smile on my face.
i) You and Joyce = so cute!
j) Joyce is very fortunte finding you as her soon-2-be other half. :)
Love ya Coach!
2. Abby
a) You're always there when I need to talk.
b) We've known each other since FOREVER. :D
c) You will always forgive me even if I say something really mean.
d) You won't hold grudges because you have an open mind.
e) You can eat any kinds of food even the bitter kind ahah!
f) Your texts are surprising and encouraging.
g) You love everyone the same. <3
h) You can talk alot & loud too! (:
i) You're the most GORGEOUS white girl I know. xD
j) You and Chris are SOO adorable together!
I Love You Abby FOREVER + ALWAYS! =)
3. Yanchi
a) You're a good man. Not a boy no more..*shakes head* lol
b) You know your priorities and actually try to stick to them.
c) Your driving is smooth for stick shift driving; Gracie is BA.
d) Hanging with you was a fun experience. I don't regret any of it.
e) You're almost everything a girl could want..
f) You lack self confidence..its okay, I do too. sometimes. Just remember: You're better than that. ;)
g) I'm glad we don't text anymore. I just wish we could talk face to face more naturally? We will eventually.
h) I hope you can find aN AMAZING CAREER and an AMAZING gf one day. (I'm sure you will)
i) & I hope you will always love God by keeping him in your heart. <3
j) You'll always have a place in my heart praying for you.
Love ya ex-texting bud. haha. >:D
4. Moly
a) You're a fun person.
b) You know how to be mean, but in a nice way. (sometimes) haha
c) You sure know your way downtown like an expert.!
d) Your hair is like OMGAH.
e) You're an outgoing and talkative friend. Which suits well with me..quiet/ asian.
f) I want to tie my converse like you did yours! But, I don't think I will ever find out how..
g) You can sometimes get on my nerves..
h) Your piercings used to scare me, but now they are considered 'normal'.
i) I used to strongly dislike you..way back in Middle School.
j) I'm glad we became friends through Hannah. :)
Luv ya skewl frannn!
5. Karina
a) You Mexican friend. :)
b) I love eating breakfast with you each morning.
c) I also love talking to you in Spanish.
d) I think you're one of the reasons why I really enjoy learning Spanish.
e) You're really pretty.
f) You know how to make decent conversation. Something I need to improve.
g) You have nice clothing style.
h) I miss the Summers when we ate Andy's Frozen Custard.
i) I love how Christian and we're FCA buddies.
j) I appreciate you as a bestie.
Love you Karina~
6. Helen
a) I really enjoy going to the library with you too. Just to go. haha.
b) You inpsire me to become more feminine (make-up, pluck eyebrows, etc) xD
c) You're beautiful just the way you are. I wouldn't change a thing.
d) You are strong willed for being able to handle a mom like that.
e) Your theories are so weirdish correct. (not all the time.. but sometimes) haha
f) Your volleyball skills are SEXY BEAST.
g) YOu show a lot of joy and love even if you're down.
h) You make me smile each time you get in my car. xD
i) You're GPS skills are envied.
j) You're an AMAZINGAWESOMELOVING cousin! >:D
i LOVE YOU X100000 <3
7. Brother
a) I miss being able to see your face sometimes.
b) You've taught me alot of things.
c) You are blessed to have McKayla as a gf.
d) Your music talents are definitely a gift from GOD.
e) Getting that multicultural scholorship is truly a blessing for you and our family.
f) You're smart...but are you willing to put in the effort?
g) You and me have grown farther apart..it seems.
h) I love that you actually considered not going to your one month in advanced planned bday party just to pick me, helen, and holly up.. That means alot.
i) Your dorkiness is amusing.
j) You're the best brother (even if you do THREATEN to da me) in the whole wide world.
I LOVE YUUU GE GE.
8. Dad
a) I really appreciate you for working so hard at the restuarant 24/7 for our family.
b) I'm entertained by the fact that you try to learn Spanish even though your Eng. isn't ALL that great, but its understandable haha.
c) Your meals are always filling and DELICOUS. I don't think I would have grown this skinny if you didn't feed me. Lol.
d) Your genes (acne) wasn't necessary.. but, the THICK, DARK, BLACK Hair-I'm lovin' it! :)
e) I'm really blessed to have a father who doesn't drink, smoke, and do drugs.
f) You influence me a HECK lot even though you may not see it.
g) Your willingness to work is sometimes annoying because its like, "JUST TAKE A DAY OFF ITS ONLY ONE FREAKIN DAY!"
h) Your letting me get off of work early to play tennis is always a :) moment.
i) I hope you will come to God and choose to follow him before he takes you away..
j) I also hope you and Mom will be baptized together.
I love you DADDY FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
9. MoM
a) You're so hardworking..it makes me feel a lil melancholy for you sometimes.
b) But, seeing you smiling and singing really makes me smile and tear up all at once. x)
c) You're a really smart lady who actually uses those brain cells.
d) You've inspired me SO MUCH.
e) You're the best mommy everrr..even if you might not think so.
f) I'm really blessed to be your daughter.
g) I don't know what I would do without you.
h) Your beautiful inside & out.
i) God is shown through you instantly like the sun when its rays hit the Earth.
j) I want to be just like you someday..
I LOVE YOU MOMMY FOREVER & ALWAYS.
10. GOD.
a) Your ability to create the Earth and everything on it is INCREDIBLE.
b) Your LOVE is unfailing and overflowing.
c) Your light shines even if there is thunder & LIGHTING (like there is currently)
d) Your my shelter.
e) & my HEAVENLY FATHER.
f) Your awesomness is indescribable.
g) Actually even considering sending your son down on Earth is by far the most ridiculous idea (thats how us humans might look at it) But, to you..its normal because you're GOD, the one who loves us FOR ETERNITY.
h) Even though I have rejected your presence and ignored you..I pray that that will change.
i) I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit when I'm ready.
j) I hope I will always have this relationship with you God. :)

1st Week of being a JUNIOR

Feelings/emotions so far:
-happy =)
-Not overwhelmed of FUll IB YET. Starting to hit me..soooon.
-More confident than before. Cuz I'm not the lowest class. ALMOST TOP DOG! *woof* lol
-Responsible for getting up in the morning and eating breakfast with a friend.
-Excited for Tennis Match. (Practice is always good work out.)
-Felt a little not accepted.
-Hard Working. I'm not as lazy as I was before. I think its due to the exercise that I'm getting. YESH! =D
-Awake & Alert in Class DIscussions. ( i think its cuz I'm getting enough sleep every night.)
-Positive Thinking/ Attitude.
-Overall, satisfied with school and myself. & I feel God's presence through me throughout the days. Just have to keep working at it...

A lil summary of each days:
Tuesday! First Day: Got my schedule, met up with friend and was planning on eating breakfast but didn't because I got to school a lil late. Went to my classes and got syllabi. It was actually fun because we got to play the 'get to know' you games. Some of the classes were fun anyways. I found out I have 3rd lunch..of 4 lunches. At least i don't have fourth lunch. :D

Wednesday. 2nd Day: I ate breakfast with my friend. (: In all my classes, I had a couple of friends to hang with. Thats always good, right? I have FIRST lunch! Yipee! After school, I kinda butt in front of someone (driving) because I needed to get out..Sometimes I think I'm a really rude driver. I will try and work on that. I was rushing to get to Gillenwaters court because it was CHS's first tennis match!-I played doubles and lost 2 games. 4-6; 2-6. Not too bad for a beginner eh? haha..xD

Thursday! 3rd Day: HELLO DAY ASSEMBLY! *waves frantically with hands* Lol. Not bad. Good start for the first assembly compared to last years and the year before that. Actually laughed here and there. SO, yup it was good. Lunch-I felt disliked because this girl *eye rolled* me... But, I'm not going to dislike her. Because that wouldn't do me any good. I need to remember what my cousin said: "You can't please everyone." Even though I felt unaccepted at that time..I must be accepting to others.

Friday. 4th Day: TODAY! In the morning, I did not eat breakfast with her because I was tired so I decided to sleep in like one whole hour. Then drove to school and got there around 7:50 to find out there were no more parking space! >:O But luckily, there was one last one which required me to parallel park. The other ppl in front of me just didn't want to do that I guess. THank God I can parallel park pretty decently. Ended up not putting a scratch on my car at all. I'm so proud of myself. haha. xD And got to class around 7:57. lolz. Whew* Can't wait till they get the freakin construction fixed! Gahh. I hope that gets fixed over the weekend so there are places to park! Geez.. Oh yeah, in Coro, (Choir in Espanol) we got to try an otis cookies! mmmm..those things are AHMAZING! lol. Its a fundraiser for CHS CHoir. SO, if anyone is interested, CONTACT MEE! >:D thanks for reading~

Some things I learned about myself!
>I am left brained. I mean..I'm left brain dominant. Which just means I think logically and analytically. Not as free as right brainers.
>I am a kinestheic learner. Which means I learn best by moving around and touching things. I am also a visual learner..(:

Rejection

I've been rejected. Not once, but maybe twice? I've also rejected others..='/ Yep, tear* I don't think its necessarily my fault that I was rejected. But, just some things happen..and therefore, he don't want to associate with me anymore. I can't really help it. I don't want to force people to be my friend or anything. But, everyone has been through rejection. And Yes, it really hurts. God especially knows about rejection. He was rejected a bajillion times and has been ongoing rejected by people who don't seek him or accept his as their Lord and Savior. Me being rejected is like nothing compared to his.
[Throughout his earthly life, Jesus was constantly exposed to personal criticism and rejection. At the beginning of His ministry, His own townsfolk at Nazareth tried to hurl Him down from the brow of the hill (luke 4:29) The religious and political leaders constantly argued with HIm and conspired to KILL him. At length He was arrested and brought to trial Pilate and Herod. EVen though He was guiltless of the accusations, He was denounced as an enemy of God AND man, and not worthy to live. How did He respond to criticism and rejection? First, with steadfastness. He didn't tone down His message, nor did He stop doing what He knew was right. Second, with strength. AHead of HIm was the Crosss- but He did not loose courage or shrink from what He knew was God's will. Third, with submission. When Herod prodded Him to defend himself,"He answered him nothing" (Luke 23:9). ONly one thing mattered: Fulfilling God's purpose for His life. Now, how will we meet criticism?]
No, I did NOT write that whole paragraph..lol. But that would be amazing if I did..I just retyped it for you all out there who has experienced rejection. Now to answer that question, How will we meet rejection? Well, I want to live like Jesus did. He is our example and we are his followers. So, I must use the Fruit of the Spirit. That's the only way to continue loving others even if you were rejected. Just keep in mind, Jesus loves you even if that guy or girl doesn't! How do we know that he loves us? Christ died for us. Not only died, but was willing to die for us. "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us." (1 John 3:16) Isn't it awesome? God died for you and me...his love is unfailing. If only I can remember that for the rest of my life, then maybe I won't ever be heartbroken. Or, if I do get heartbroken, I can get over it quick! :)
So, maybe I have been hurt and whatnot. But I've learned, the only way to get over it is NOT getting a new guy. Or not trying to make them jealous. Not being mean to him..Something I need to work on. But, being yourself and living for God. God is the only one who won't let you down/disappoint you because he is there for you no matter what you're going through. He will ALWAYS be there if you just acknowledge his presence and invite him to your 'screwed up' life. I know this because when I fell hard and I looked up to him; he just gave me this amazing strength and love. When I'm worried, I look into the Bible and ask him to speak to me. It works because afterwards, My mind is at peace and I can fall asleep without anymore worries. WHen I feel like I can't run anymore during Tennis Practice, I call out to him, God, give me strength so I can finish this race (even though I'm about to pass out due to the heat and lack of water)! Before I know it, I'm done. The afterward feeling is so great. Running not only builds me up physically but makes me healthy emotionally. Words just can't explain that feeling of Christ in your life. Go experience it for yourself. Don't sit and wait for God to come to you. YOu have to go and get it. Like EVERYONE says, "GO FOR IT!" >:D I pray that people, especially UKW, will look to you God, not only when he's down and depressed, but look up to you everyday and live for you. He needs you in his life because he is (i think) lacking your unfailing love. I need help too. My goal everyday is to live with the fruits of the Spirit. -Love, joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, GEntleness, Faithfulness, & Self Control.- Help me to love you from the inside out. Thank you Lord. I can't wait to sing praises to you at church! =D Thanks to Jen, we are going to be singing a new song called, "From the Inside Out." its soo awesome! Now, I just gotta be patient for Sunday to get here. :)

Vacation?

Another lil Blab on the Canada Trip..(just some thoughts that I took a note of.
Before I left Spfd to go to Canada, I was determined to have God in my life through the whole trip. The week before we left, I felt God's presence everywhere. It was an awesome feeling. Just so awesome that I really didn't want to leave for Canada...If I had a choice at that time, I would've stayed in Springfield. But, it was too late to change. So off to the trip I flew~
On the way to the airport, I tried to breathe in the whole city because I knew I wouldn't be able to take it with me to Toronoto..I'd have to wait ONE WHOLE WEEK. That's really not TOO bad right? WEll, it felt like..a week of torture almost. ALMOST, not quite. lol.
Moving on...on the way there, a lil problem occured, I'll call it the first trial. Our flight was cancelled. So, I prayed for a way to get to Toronto before the night would end. & A miracle happens! Its like HALLELUJAH!! =D We get to Toronto, and have a blast. I think the first/second day was my favorite of the whole trip. :) I took some sweet photos & awesome food. (:
3rd day- We leave to Montreal. I'm a lil excited because I didn't have any idea what I was headed for. I turn into a pretty cranky person because of the enviroment..I think thats what it was. Some of the time, I really enjoyed, but overall it just sUcked! W/ a CAPITAL 'U'.
5th day we arrive back in Toronto. Toronto was then considered home sweet home. Because we just really hated that bus. WAY too many people and food was getting a lil old.
6&7th day. Not too bad. I had some good fun. If that makes any sense. lol.
After the trip, when I got back, I had a new perspective in life.
I've learned that, because of the different atmosphere, people, and 'world' that I was in which lasted only for a week, my attitude and thoughts were flip-flopped. My once loving and caring self had evaporated into the skies. I had become greedy for money and didn't have much respect for others. I wasn't loving or caring in ANY way..I was kinda 'dead'. My body was there..in Toronto and the aiports, but my soul (life with JESUS) was still in Springfield. I'm really glad I was able to experience it though. I won't be travelling for awhile. Ever since I joined the Worhsip TEam, thats like ALL that I look forward to nowadays. Missing a week was like MORE than I wanted to Miss. I'm glad I'm back in this lil town that I strongly started to dislike before I went to Canada. But, I know that it must SUCK to not be in your home sweet home. I pray for those military/army people and missionaries. Or the refugees like my parents once were. When they escaped to the States. I'm blessed to be born in the US. I really am. I thank God for everything that has happened. Not that I wanted the Vietnam War to happen. But, without it, I think I would've been born in Vietnam. Or maybe not born at all. But I know that God has plans for everyone. And he knew from before my parents were born, that they would come to the New World. :)

TENNIS!!=D

I've FiiiiiiiiNally found it!
THEEEE amazing sport just for me! >:D
I'm soo freaking happy.
this is definitely not normal..cuz I usually blog when I'm depressed or angry..
Anywhoos, why am I so happy? Well, I have always been a lil..hm, how should I put it? Jealous? Yes, I envied those people who had a sport that they were BA (badass) AT. As in they were good at it & had a passion for it. You know? You can tell when someone is enjoying the sport vs. just playing because they HAVE to (does this ring a bell ppl? PE?) lol. well, when i was younger I had dance class..I enjoyed it A HECK LOT. I got pretty good at it that I skipped a level..which led me to have not so many friends. =/ Thus, I dropped it and felt like trying for something new. So, in 08, (8th grade) my PE COach said Its a good year to try out track. Cuz, it could be a sport you really enjoy and would like to continue in high school. I took up track. It was fun and all.. I was definitely NOT the best but not the worst either. The only thing I lacked was 'pung you' friends..cuz I was a loner in middle school NO JOKE!. Soooo, in 09 the beginning of freshman yr, I found some friends who were doing Softball. Now, keep in mind, I had NO experience whatsoever. I figured it doesn't matter, I have some friends and I just wanted to have funn because as people tell you, thats what lifes about. Well, not exaclty the sport for me..but I gave it a shot, until school started up at least. hah then I dropped because I was a scaredy cat and dislikes hard balls. ;) And now..2010..what do I find? TENNIS! =D Ahh, why would I choose that out of all sports? I mean theres volleyball and basketball..so many sports to choose from. One of the reasons, I had a lil experience from the past. Another reason, I played a bit with my brother and his friends, it looked sooo fun! Also, I knew some folks on the team that were really really nice! :) The last reason that made me do it fo'sho: I got a COACH, named Chris. He was right there always there..though we never talked or anything. and then suddenly, one night, because of a bachelorette party..we facebook and chat.Thanks SO much LORD JESUS for him to be willing to teach meee! I don't know how much to say thanks. But yeah thanks. As I've survived through these years..trying to find what I was looking for, my sport, my desire, I realized that the only reason why you gave me this was because I decided to get closer to you..Baptsim and having a relationship with my Heavenly Father. :) This is soo true: Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.【Psalm 37:3-4】 Its because I decided to trust in you and do good that you have given me my deisres. Thats just SICK (AS IN AWESOME)

SOme analogy that I just thought of...Its YOU who are making me run this race. Kinda like a car on the racetrack. You are the driver who controls my life who no one can see. They only see the outside of the car, AKA My face! Picking and unloading people are just people coming across my life. They then realize that you are in me. Some realzie anyways..You're driving me to the most awesomest locations. & taking me places I've never beeen. Your plans are just so amazing. Ah, I love you GOd. <3 You sure know how to plan things. I can't wait till the future. I'm looking forward to being with you in Heaven because I know you have amazing stuff stored up there. My future is filled with hopes because I know that YOU are in it. Thanks so much God. Well I should sleep now..for tomorrow is another day and I got some tennis to play~

Goals/Priorities

Things to Accomplish Before/During/After School Starts...
-Read Harry Potter BO.oks (WHy? well, I was called un-American for not having read it. xD So, I'm going to dig into those books and see what they are ALL about. Same goes for Twilight. So far, its pretty darn good :)
-Read the Bible Daily (This helps me renew my relationship with Jesus.)
-Pray and Give Thanks to God (Because, without him I would be nothing)
-DRINK DRINK DRINK!!! (H2o! need all the water I can get in miii belli haha)
-Get better grades..the grades last year were soo poor ='/
-Do HOMEWORK & actually understand wtf is going on..Plus, take some time to study!!!!
-Practice Tennis at least 3x a weeek! (Excluding the practices w/ CHS Tennis)
-Do My Own Laundry & Dishes
-Practice Piano at least 30 mins a day.
-Be slow to get angry.
-RElax and talk slowly when around new ppls..
-Talk and get to know more guys.
-Smile :)
-Wake Up EARLY and Eat breakfast everyday!
-Sleep before 11/11:30?
-Sing WORSHIP songs before going to WORSHIP rehearsal.
-THINK before acting/speaking.
-SHUT UP & listen.
-Keep room tidy & dust-free.
-Drive Safely.
-Take care of Body.
-Have funn!!!
SO, those are all my goals for now..I pray that You will help me be able to accomplish all these tasks and stick with it! :D For, I believe, "In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles."~Psalm 34:6 that you are listening when I pray and you will help me thru my struggles.

Pung You.

So, I had a pungyou who was really really encouraging..and I looked up to him. In many ways.. Sadly, I lost him. Not by death. Nothing horrible like that. You wanna know how? Well, to sum it up, it was caused by a number(s) AKA Age difference. He's like 5 years apart from me. And just because of this, well, I think its due to this, we stopped communicating. Or maybe it was the lil 'drama' that made us seperate as close friends. I don't really know why he stopped texting exactly. I'm just going to assume that he doesn't want to talk to me because I might get the wrong idea. I never wanted to be in a relationship. I'll admit, i Have considered it, but all I truly want to do is make someone feel significant, be encouraging and just a friend.. you know? This is what I wanted for myself. And the only way to do that, is to be or treat others how you want to be treated. From now on, I want to be an encouraging and joyful person. No matter how they treat me. I'm going to live as God would. Loving, Caring, and Trusting. The main thing I learned out of this lesson..is Some friends are there for a season, others for a reason, and there are a few for life. He was just there for a reason.. To make me realize that friends will let you down. But God, won't.. =) Psalm 41,"Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me." This is basically saying his friend has backstabbed or perhaps let him down. Thats how I would put it. And, though he has done that..God is love. 1 John 4:16-21. "We love because he first loved us. If anyone says,"IloveGod," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: WHoever loves God must also love his brother." I don't hate my pungyou..I kinda wish we could go back to normal..how we could talk and joke about whatever. But,maybe he is just one of my friends for a season. Looking on the bright side, I have more time to do other things. Instead of having to check my phone every 5 seconds to see if he texted back or not. It provides me some time to work diligently (hard) and be more focused on the more important tasks I should be doing. =D

Facebook Findings.

Everything is a choice. Whether you stay silent or use your voice-- run far away or decide to stay-- the endurance you’ll face can be bitter or sweet. You could lie where you are or move your feet. Every situation has a steering wheel. You can drive away or try and heal. Jesus is the master of every single thing, but he allows us to let us choose our course alongside the king. Life can be held by a thread or rope; you have a choice between despair and hope.

-This wasn't written by me..so don't give credit to me. FOund it on a fb friend's note. She got it off of a website. lol.

Experiences Experiences..o.O

Canada. Trip. = Fail.

As much as I've ALWAYS wanted to go...I don't think I took the time and thought about all the things that might or could go wrong with this trip. I'll list all the 'bad' outcomes first..
1. Gained some weight. (that's not too bad, cuz COach did say i need to eat) haha
2. Got more acne. -_- (this was unnecessary)
3. Had to buy a new flight ticket which means waste MORE $$$.
4. Lost time..(I could've used that week to practice tennis & piano!)
5. Lost my relationship with God. (the most important one)
'Good' Outcome:
1. I got more materials..(clothes)
2. Gained better understanding on how flying works.
3. Been to a BIG city and the transportation-subway, street car, bus)
4. Tasted a heck load of foods!
5. Been to Montreal, Quebec City, & thousand islands.
6. Saw a variety of malls.
7. Learned that Home sweet home is ALWAYS the BEST!
8. Realized its difficult for missionaries..you have to have strong faith to be able to keep a relationship with God and travel.
Its not as easy as it sounds.. Sometimes you just wanna go home. & THat's all that matters.
9. My cousin has contact with her other fam bam! =]
10. Out of everything, it was good/bad experience. That I wouldn't wanna go through again. ;)

Teeth with "Wisdom"

Last week, around this time, I was laying in a chair..with shining bright lights (papparazi, hehe) , surrounded by people in white capes (SUPERMAN jk) and sick masks that made me appear to have some disease(which I DO NOT) lol. Fun stuff you know? Lol. Jkjk, i can barely recall what happened since I was 'under'. All I remember is they took a pint, maybe less than a pint of blood in my right arm. ANd then they put a clip on my left pointer finger. The oral surgen put some sort of sleepy stuff in me. iThink its called laughing gas? haha, except you don't laugh when you are under. LOL *chuckles*. Anywhos, the whole shaaaabam is OVER WITH! >:D Yipeee Thank GOD! =D Today, I went back to OMS (Oral..M...Surgern?) to check up because iThought I had dry socket(s). ANd of course I'm correct, since when am I not? hehe. But yeah, it sucked. (Not literally) They swabbed this nasty NASTY, i repeat, in case you didn't get it NAAAAAASTY!!!! (nasty) CRAP somewhere behind my sore gums to put in a gauze? The gauze is supposed to help prevent food particles from interfering with the healing process. I think? haha. I apologize for my 'knowledge' on this subject. So lets get to the the main point of this whole blog.. just to let you fellas know what its like to get wisdom teeth taken out. Of course you will not really understand unless you yourself experience it. And everyone's experiences are always different so expect the worse. :P Not really, just you know be glad if you DON'T have to have them taken out!
Night before: Don't eat anything after 12am. Cuz, keep in mind you are going to be going through surgery. SO, don't want to be puking crap up everywhere while you're in the process.. Ew! that's a disturbing thought. Moving on=>
Ignition: Start the car, pick up foooood from Food4Less(soft foods-cottage cheese & pudding:)
Process: Get there! And check in. Wait patiently for the nurse to call your name.
Enter the room of DOOM. Sit in that cold chair where EVERYONE else has sat once upon their lifetime. Listen to the nurse..do whatever she tells you. She took some blood outta me! VAMPIRE! JK. Got a lil pinch which I tried to avert my eyes & succeedded. haha, i still remember my mom's face when that happened. xD She seemed more disgusted than I was. Funny right?
A couple of seconds tick by. Maybe minutes..
DENTIST walks in and tries to crack a joke something along the lines of:
"Are you excited to get your wisdom teeth taken out?" *chuckles a creepy laugh/smile:)*
ME: Nervously, "haha, sure?."
I can't recall if thats what I said. Wow, that 'laughing gas' really makes you feel old.
But the last part that I do remember is getting the laughing gas put in my arm and my mom walking out of the room.
When I woke up? I could only feel numbness..my whole mouth was completely numbed. I'm like argh. I was sitting not in the same room getting goosebumps all over my arms. Some few moments later, I was wheeled off in a wheelchair to my mom's red van. Lol. It was great! I mean I didn't have to drive! hah.
Then we arrive at the house. I like pass out on the bed throbbing a little. And that's basically it.
I was prescribed three pills:
1. Swelling => MY CHEEKS WERE PUFFY. The right one was bigger than the left! haha Dx
2. Antibiotic => something that prevents bacteria from forming.
3. Pain Killer! =>That stuff is intense mann!!! Sooo drowsy afterwards.
My mom only picked up the antibiotic because she assumed that since John wasn't prescribed the others, I didn't need them either. But she ended up getting the rest of the pills for me after Day 2. The pain was killin' me.!!! D:< I took ibuprofen, but I guess its not strong enough. Its okay now though. :)

Well, off to work. SO keep you updated later gators~

Just Keep Swimmin' xP

So, Tuesday.
July, 6th.
6:30-6:40ish AM?
I did something a lil 'naughty?'
Well...
It wasn't that bad.
just you know,
teenage life
-Snuck out of the house-
hehe. xP
It wasn't to do anything bad..
I just wanted to hang with him,
Cuz it was the only day that we WOULD be able to hang this week.
It was funn! Alot more fun than I expected. :D

My Jesus, My Saviour..

For a future that will be fulfulling and successful, trust in the Lord.
For decision making skills, trust in him and he will lead you in a pathway you would never have imagined.
For confidence, don't think about what others think of you, instead think about what God thinks of you.
To avoid temptation, remember that he was too tempted, but didn't fall for it. So you need not to either!
Love your enemies because that will only build yourself up.
To lessen stress, pray pray pray!
To understand God, look for him (BIBLE!)
Just some things to keep in mind. (:
I got my wisdom teeth taken out Wednesday..and it didn't hurt too bad until last night. But thats cuz i wasn't taking any pain killers that were strong enough. But, now its better. :) Thanks to ppl who are praying for me. :D

summer happenings.=]

Soooo many things/important events have happened! :D
-6/4 Canoeing furrr the first time! AKA Rafting..
-6/5 Mudhouse. & Yugioh duel. haha
-6/6 Baptism of me, abby & Helen! >:D
-6/7 Summer School @KHS till 7/2 ;)
-6/13-6/17 SWIMMING WITH 'HIM' practically everaayday.
-6/14 Help abby sell candy w/kimchi.
-6/15 Swim w/the babies & chyea!
-6/17 Swim and watch She's the MAN. ^_^
-6/18 Watched Karate Kid & hang out. Learnt more about stick shift.
-6/19 Walk the doggy. It was SUPER HOTTT and all of sudden, it hailed.. Weirddd riight?
-6/20 (today) Someone missed church. -_- lol.. Fairgrove!

Future Plans:
-6/21 SDC with cinday.!
-6/22 Fountains with Karina.
-6/23 Drive to LAke of the Ozarks with ukw.!
-6/25 St. Louie? :)
-7/2 END of summerrr school.
-7/7 Wisdom Teeth Operation. O.o
-7/17 Anne & Tin's Wedding.
-7/24-7/31 VACAY to Canada!
-8/3 WOrld's of FUNN?
-8/7 Carthage.
-8/12 Visit Phillip in Arkansas?

This summer has really been amazingly awesome! I got to spend time with different friends and befriended a guy friend who is freaking BA.! :D So exciteddd..:)

Is FAITH based on Tests...?

I've always hated tests. All and any kinds of tests. When I was younger, I would dread the fact there even was one. I always wanted to just tear it up into pieces or put it through the shredder. Sometimes, I still want to. But, I've learned that Tests are something you SHOULD look forward to. It builds up your faith in God. Well, that's if you trust him. And understand the material. You know? Tests are also good to confirm that you know what was being taught. That you've actually LEARNED something! What a great way to see if you've been using your brain eh? Haha. I know that school tests us not because they want to torture us, but they want to test and make sure you're ready for the "real world" haha. And God puts us through tests everyday to test our faith. At least, I think that's the reason. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens. :)

Epic...FAIL.

I feel like..a failure.
I think its because I am.
You see, I recently turned sixteen. (4/8/10) and sixteen-year-olds are supposed to get their driver's license. You know? WEll, I took the driving test, and....FAILED. =( It was not cool at all. I made some mistakes, that I don't feel like typing out. I wished..I could go in a time machine. And travel back to re-do it again. WHY oh WHY did I have to make those dumb mistakes? How could I possibly have failed? I mean, I've been driving for a year! I should be an expertise in driving right? But, noooo. *sigh* I only have one more time to take it..one more chance. Dear God, PlEASE help me pass this driving test. I will be a safe driver. I promise. I'll drive for YOU, Lord. I'll make good decisions. Help me, I need to be able to drive to help others (like Aunty M, and them) I won't be lazy. I'll do my all, and everything I can to..help people. I need your wisdom, Lord to pass this test. I can't handle it anymore. Please, I'm asking you, just give me a nice person, and let me be able to make good decisions in this next test. Thank you. In Jesus Name, AMEN. I feel somewhat like a less failure now..I mean everyone makes mistakes right? I know what I did wrong. I just have to have faith in God, and not do it again.

Living Life With God. (:

Lately, I feel like God is and definitely will always be by my side. Basically, if you just allow him to come into your heart, you will find or be happy. It sounds simple huh? Yep, it really isn't hard. God has proven to me that with him, you can get over anything. Its so amazing how it works. For example, there was this guy, that I 'thought' I loved. He was my first. I felt like I really wanted him..wanted to make it work out. But, in the back of my head, I knew we would never be together. And it was true, we decided we weren't suit for each other. I'll admit it I was a b**** because I had to do something to get out. I wanted to find more about him, and the only mutual friend that I could talk to via facebook of course was his ex. I didn't think she was that bad. She seemed nice anyway, but ACCORDING TO HIM, she was a b**** that's why they broke up. Yeah, I told the ex some stuff.. but it wasn't anything major! And it ended up, he could no longer trust me no more. I can't really blame him. But at the same time, it takes two to make a relationship. Well, what I learned out of this 'lesson' was don't trust guys that only met you online (facebook.) He does go to my school, but we don't know know each other. I'm not too sure why I gave him a chance int he first place. I guess I'm just that naive. The things he was doing, it was new to me. And I liked how he sent me those sweet texts and seemed to actually care about me, my life, and we "seemed" to become close. But, he was actually a stranger to me..still is today. But, that's alright. I don't consider our relationship the real thing. It was more like casual dating. Just trying on a pair of jeans to see if it would fit or not. I'm definitely gonna give second thoughts when it comes to saying Yes to "will you go out with me?" that's if anyone asks me..probably not for a while. That's a good thing. I don't need any sort of relationship with guys. Besides as friends. I would love to make more guy buddies. The number one reason why I text guys. To get to know them more. (: ANyway back to the whole point of this blog... haha, it was difficult for me to get over this guy. Not really the guy himself, just the thought of 'having' someone there for me. He wasn't really 'there' in anyway now that I think about it. Oh wells..lol. More like, a texting bud. BUt, I got an awesome texting bud now! I wished I found out about him earlier..*sigh* It's all good now that I have God in my life. He's indescribable...just love the fact that I can depend on him no matter if I just lost someone in my life. I love you God. <3 May all my readers love you too! :D

Spring Break

So, spring break..how was it? Well...my schedule consisted of:
Sunday-It was a blast. Church, good. (: Brother got baptized.! :D It was funny and serious all at once. ahha. Then, we went to Soo's Korean Restuarant. Yummy Food! Afterwards, Mall with youth ppls. I was blessed with money. Thanks mom. (: And, got a pair of sandals (flipflops from Charlotte Russe) and some cute jeans. I used up exactly all of the money mom gave me. And got what I really 'needed/wanted' haha. :) I feel content. Thanks God. :D
Monday-Work all day because bro had to go to KC to get a new car for himself. He's giving me his old one.. :)
Tuesday-Free day! BIke ride with friend to Jimmy John's! Yum! and then saw Sherlock Holmes that night.
Wednesday-Work half day. Checked out guitars..thinking about buying one. Most likely won't though..=/
Thursday-Work full day.
Friday-FREE day! Home. Got to relax and going to get some driving lessons in a few..
That's basically my whole spring break. SOunds kinda lame huh? Lol. It actually was good. I felt happy like everyday. (: Even though it rained some days. I think its cause I feel God in my life. And, I'm not sure what exactly made me feel closer to him this week. It might've been the fact that I just have a more positive attitude towards everything. :D I feel great! No joke! :) Been texting alot...kinda too much. ahah. Its alright though I am happy texting friends. Its good to get to know them. Tomorrow I will go to worship practice. And then maybe bike Ride with MEjo. That will be fun because we haven't seen each other for a whole week. I miss her lol. She's fun to be around. Then Sunday, I think I'ma have to catch up with homework after church. *sigh Spring break is almost over. =/ I guess I better get back into school mode. haha. xD Anyways..better get off now. Cuz mum'll call soon for directions to my house.
Saturday~I didn't have piano lessons. Satisfied with break. I went to worship practice, then rode bikes with Moly. We went to Mudhouse. ANd, hung out for awhile. Then, we stopped by Hoovers on our way home and checked out the guitar that I been considering buying. But, we didn't buy anything, just looked. I'm glad I didn't get that guitar..after all. lol. On our bike ride home, it started pouring down rain. I was lucky enough to get in the garage before it really thundered. My mom and I had to run to Home Depot to pick up some stuff. I got to drive the Celica~ Its nice to drive that baby because I'm starting to get used to it. And, just the feeling of being in a sports car is always sweet. I'm blessed for that babeh. >:D On our way back, mom and I decided to go to Springfield Music and see if I could rent a guitar there..since Hoover's don't. And guess what? They do lent guitars out-$15 per month!- TO me, that's a pretty sweet deal right there! I mean, its a decent guitar and I really want to learn how to play it. So, we rented it. Hopefully, by the 3 months, ($45), I'll stick with it. && buy the guitar. That would be nice.! Then, we just went home and chilled. On my way to cousin's house to pick her up, the Celica's windshield wiper flew off! It was freaky! But, kinda funny now that I think about it.Hhahaa* Luckily, my bro was able to fix it. Not exactly sure how it came off..but that doesn't matter as long its still working and the window isn't 'too' scratched up. It was an interesting day..that's for sure.
Sunday-Church.(: Lunch:Thai Peppers. Hang out with mi prima at my house. Last, fellowship at Philda's.! We had a variety of discussions. It ranged from things about the Bible, and more. Fun fun. (: Next week, will be watching the Passion..at least,i think.?

1st Sleepover (with guys+girls) lOl

(: x_Sleepover_x :)
Why?---> SPFD Chinese Youth Group Get-to-gether/Bonding TIME! =]
When?--> Last Saturday. (3/13/10) 5PM (arrived around 6 though) xD
Where?-> Youth Pastor's Condo. (cozy, warm, fuzzy & all that jazz!)

iT was ONE heck of a night! haaah, We watched Never Back Down, which is about guys fighting. (Hot! LOL) and, while watching we ate pizza & chicken! :D That chicken was pretttty dayum good. *licks lips* lol. Next, we went to Rendevous Cafe. Currently, mi all-time favorite coffee shop! Its better than MUDHOUSE and Starbucks! (No offense Mudhouse or Starbucks.) Their coffee is Columbian Coffee according to my friend Moly. GOod stuff! But, I decided to order a Mango Smoothie. YuMyUm!!! We played "Imaginiff" which is a board game and you say Imagine if _____ is a chip. Which chip would it be? Afterwards, watched Alice in Wonderland with the bunch. It was mucho better than I thought it would be.! Loved it. <3 I mean I wouldn't mind watching it again. lol. Then back to the condo, and just relaxing. Some people told some interesting stories. hahaha. I would tell you if I remembered. But, its been too long & plus I was busy checking him out. haha. xD yeah, kinda felt awkward and nervous around him at that time. But, its all good. Anyways, getting back on track, as we got ready to sleep. The girls slept on the lil couch. And guys on the floor. I felt bad for Luke, but sadly couldn't do much about it. We didn't end up sleeping till like six-ish in the morning. Yeahh..and it just had to be freaking DAYLIGHT savings. But, the next day I caught up with my lack of sleep I had. ahaha. Yeah, I was sorta in pain (my head, that is) but not no more. (: During the night..what happened? Lol. Hmm..usage of computer, watching unnecessary stuff on Youtube. That's Youtube for all you noobs! lol. And then some reason everyone, Luke,Helen, Abby, and Bailey decided to give each other massages. So, I had to join in because they just couldn't 'do it' without me. (thats waht she said) lol. jk! I had fun overall. Only thing that sucked was lack of sleep. Maybe I should've told him to drive me home too. haha, but now that would look kinda weird on me eh? OH wells, it was a nice 'experience' with the youth. Didn't relaly wanna miss out on anything? haha, the only thing that I would've missed out on was the wrestle that Luke did. Lol. xD Freaking awkward, but at the same time, cool cool. Hhaaha, I also found out his lil secret-he's ticklish. That makes me laugh. Normally, you wouldn't think a buff guy would be ticklish right? But he is! now, I'm starting to wonder if the other one is too. LMAO. XD ANywho's the first sleepover (w/guys & girls) I'm glad to have had it with the younger youth. I hope we have more coming in the future. I'll be sure to get more than enough sleep the night before! :D

BoYs b0i$ BOYZ!!!!!

In the last 15+ years, I have never been able to actually "get to know" the other creatures hint:(title) that walk this planet Earth. I'm not sure why... I mean I don't have the phobia of boys..well, not that I know of. Cuz I have an older brother..I mean that shoulda helped me be able to talk to guys and all. But, I don't feel that. I think its just my shyness. I am not open. I don't have a whole bunch of friends. ALl of my 'friends' are typically close to me. And they support/joke with me. :) I don't know what I'd do without them. I would like more friends preferrably close, but then again it takes time for that to happen. Well, maybe as time progresses I can talk to them better. let's hope/pray! (:

Facebook

Facebook is a social networking for those of you who dunno. It has become really addicting. I'm not exactly sure what makes me addicted..i guess the 'friends' that I've added on there? I have about 450+ friends. And Half of them i don't talk to..weird eh? Most of them are considered acquaintances. Yeah, I like getting on there and just chattin' with people. I'm a big chatter online but in person..not so much. Something I need to work on. Hopefully, I will be able to talk to people (boys esp.) Anyways, back to the main subject "FACEBOOK!" Recently, I found out about Lent..which is where you give up something for 40 days and nights. And then on EASTER, which is Jesus' resurrection, you get it back. I'm giving up facebook.. cuz I just can't stop getting on. So yeah..since Wednesday, (ASH WEDNESDAY) I stopped getting on. I de-ACTIVATED it. You're supposed to fast (give up) from food, but my parents wouldn't allow that, and besides I'm still growing, food is just way too good for me to give it up. Facebook is/has been really distracting for me. If your my friend on facebook, I'll see you around April 2nd, Good Friday~. (:

2010 SkO_oL...

Hey! How are you ppls??? I'd like to apologize to you "guys" (whoever reads my blog) for the long update. I hope everyone had an AWESOME Christmas & a Happy new Year! Can you believe its 2010? I can't..but I guess I should start believing since its already happened. School Update: The only class that changed was 7th block. I had ACT prep for the first semseter..now I have DRIVER'S ED. Fun huh? eh..not really. I mean the teacher isn't too bad. He can be funny & is able to have control of the class (prolly since he's a coach.) But to me, I really don't 'need' that class. So...I tried to get my schedule changed today..when I gave the blue piece of change my schedule paper to him to sign it [1 min. before the bell rung] he snatched the paper and signed "Pizza Hut" on the Parent signature, instead of the TEACHER space. I told him..you can't do that. But he said, they know me. SO i didn't bother arguing because I had to get to my class you know? That was the end of my attempt in changing that class. So..now I'm just gonna have to stick with it..I guess its kinda good. My Insurance SHOULD lower..*crosses fingers* Lets' hope so! And its not like its full of ugly people (like me!) Lol. no..i'm kidding. =p There is this guy that seems pretty cool. He's a cutie. haha xD But anyway, i hope I can get some benefit from this class, and its NOT gonna be a waste of my time...